thank you (translation fuck you)

might as well be.
because there is no equivolent to how much i owe you
it is sometimes better to just not put words to it

"Happiness isn’t found between lips or sheets – its stored there for a little while.
You’re a package; cause someone is gonna someday rip you apart.
You’re a real star; cause they all burn out eventualyy.
Take these troubled thoughts and hit the sidewalks
Sorry is what you feel only when you cant feel anything else.
A placebo for whatever you weer supposed to feel but fucked up.
I swear the pharmacist must see me coming a mile away.
He picks up the phone like he always pretends to be too busy to fill/feel my prescription.
Lying under oath or lying under me; it’s the same thing anymore.
And whnever there is a bridge in your words you will lie your way across it
You should change your location to somewhere in “denile” since you are drowning in it
And I know as well as anyone else – just because all eyes are on you, doesn’t mean all ears are."

i refuse to acccept this as anything less than perfection.
the us part of must
i wont pretend this is anywhere near worthy of a single individual letter of yours.
Thank you for the boomerang, the concrete, the misery - things I can depend on
Because we both know you’re a hot mess without them/this
And Me with you > me without you
The feeling of someone putting a weight on your back and sand in your mouth
I can hear this big mess but I can do anything about it
i love you in a call me when you're home safe sort of way.
you're on the opposite side of the street
when the greyhound pulls up 10 minutes late (but so were you)
romance as in wilted flowers and stale chocolate
truehate as in earlymorning.traintracks.pennies.andcoal

"blue angels air show"

she's turning blonde for the summer I guess
the sunlight just soaks into her hair
and she sits next to me on the motorboat
and shyly replies as to which boy she likes at her school.
so I am reminded of things I've forgotten.
the way doors can open and people just walk in.
it's not unexpected, no it's just how you planned it.
I'm beginning to think that it might never happen.
but now it is happening.
there's a show we can see at the base outside of town
where the planes they turn circles in the air.
I watch you stand next to me with your hand over your mouth
and join the crowds heavy gasp.
one for each time they pass overhead.
so we've been selected in this beautiful lottery.
we struggled so long but it ended so easy.
it's starting to surface, all golden and godlike
this feeling we had every day and every night.
it bursts in an energy. a door it is opening.

I understand you like (1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55)
but that doesn’t mean i understand.
vices are soft and warm and fit perfectly against your skin.
but they buried me in the sand and forgot me there.

You say i'm addicted, and partially inflicted, but i got what you want and you got what i need.

i don’t think people are meant to be alone. that’s why when you find someone you really care about, you gotta let go of the little things. cause we all know how much it sucks to be alone. No matter how many people are alone.

thegroundwewalkon
iscoveredinsalt

"... there is no safe place.”

me screaming stupid things at you = me scared of how much i need you.
you love every part of me that is a disaster. i want to let it go but i'd be losing you. it's so shitty i don't even feeling like writing it down anymore. this is the same stuff over and over again. same words. same thing. same shit everyday. my insides are tired. and you should be scared because look what you've done to me. if me from 3 years ago met me today she wouldn't even recognize herself. prescribe that. bottle it and send it through the mail. wont be worth it though, i'll just x out the i's and send it back.
i've.
done.
it.
every.
other.
time.
i wish i could live in a memory.
i'm gonna stop before i actually throw my head into awall

She said “I write suicide notes and then I burn them in my fireplace.”

and even after all
the heartbreak
and red bull
and smut, all i've learned is that hearts are always changing veloCITIES

I’m going to need more than “a ride home” to sleep this off. It’s not love if you don’t wanna talk about it. Today I held hands with someone synonymous with letting go. I felt love from someone who has never had the sun warm in their face. I watched someone who tosses and turns sleep still next to me. im always trying to step back and look at the puzzle. to push history one way or the other. its funny the way things that got to us years ago just dont really mean anything anymore. i'm sitting here next to my dream. and i hope i dont throw it away because i'm always looking to be down. lately we take on new meanin like shipwreked stowaways. we dont always want them, but theyll swab the deck and keep us afloat as good as anyone else. i've set my heart to sleep like a computer. jar the keyboard and it will wake.

i am truly mad
but one day someone will write of this in the grand way that it hsould be. using words an dmetaphors that truly embody what this is.
and the way noone gets this except us.

1. Because you pout when you're disappointed.
2. Because youre horrible with the computer.
3. Because you act like a child when it snows.
4. Because you get cold so easily.
5. And because your nose gets so red when youre cold.
6. The way you adore hot chocolate.
7. Because you aren't afraid to cry on my shoulder.
8. The time when you got so sick, and all you could do was sit on the couch watching sixties sitcoms.
9. Because you cried when your goldfish died.
10. The once-a-month cleaning sprees.
11. No matter how many times I pull the mistletoe trick, you always fall for it.
12. Because you let me paint pictures with you.
13. Because you put up with the whole cookie business.
14. Because the only thing you're scared of is a spider.
15. When I have nightmares, you comfort me.
16. And you let me return the favor.
17. You are the most careful driver I've ever met.
18. And you don't care that it drives me crazy.
19. And you let me pounce on you until youre fully awake.
20. The bunny slippers you only wear when youre absolutely miserable.
21. And because you still believe in me, no matter how many times I give up.
22. Because of our first kiss.
23. Because you're adorable in an apron.
24. Because I know all the places that make you squirm.
25. Because you shriek when I tickle you.
26. Because you listen to me whine as long as I want.
27. And never once complain about it.
28. Because you understand me.
29. Because you write on your hand.
30. Because you wear hideous flannel pajamas in the winter.
31. Because the only eggnog you will drink is Hood.
32. The way you always cough into your elbow, and never your hand.
33. Because your ideal honeymoon is to go to Disney world.
34. Because you like to catch snowflakes on your tongue.
35. The baby faces.
36. Because you're the only person in the world who can still make me cry.
37. And I'm the only person in the world who still sees you throw temper tantrums.
38. Because you're superstitious.
39. Because you're a perfectionist.
40. Last year, when I puked all over your lap, you took the time to comfort me before you did anything to clean yourself up.
41. The writer's bump on your middle finger.
42. Because even though you think it's 'the most fucking annoying, ugly thing you've ever seen', you let me wear the Santa hat on Christmas Eve.
43. Because you're the most finicky package-wrapper on the face of the planet.
44. Because I'd give you the world if I could.
45. Because youre completely silent when sleeping in bed.
46. Because we’re both so messed up.
47. Because you're so scared of being too thin.
48. The night when you fell asleep in my lap
49. You still think 100-Acre Wood is real.
50. Because you put up with my antics.
51. Because you’ll get mad at me for ending 51 and “that’s such an annoying number.”

a less than three weekend.