ValIuM and vigor

“It’s a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done.
It’s a far, far better rest I go to than I have ever known.”
he glanced at her over his coffee cup and asked where she'd been
she thought for a second and said i fell asleep in the hammock in the backyard

our view from under trampolines

"I'm frightened at night and the wind has a roar
it seeps through the hall and from under the door
like the shit that was said
I can't take it that well
i give and i give and i give and i give and i'm still
lost and hurt and bone thin from the love that's been starved
i know it got close but i'm sure it's too far
from the point of suspense, we know it should be
the end of that part of our favorite movie
when the guy grabs the girl and gives her his hand
says 'take me away from this torturous land'
cause the grave is set up, the hole that I dug
i gave and I gave and I gave and I gave you my trust
like the time that we kissed and you gave me a lie
to add to the scene you pretended to cry
but i'm here and i'm cool, the way that it is
just give me a chance and i'll try to forgive
and i don't know
and i can't guess
if it's gonna be ok
but now my last wish
is that you do this with me
kiss me here and hold my hand
let me feel like i'm the only one
i know you can
won't you do it for me now"

they say just take the fucking DIValproEx
and that all i need to do is medi(c)ate
but the real help is written out in co(r)d(at)e
in scrapbooks and tattoos hidden behind lips and eyelids

altamont was the end of the 60's

it was one of those great nights, i felt a funeral in my brain.
i dont know how you do it but you do. you always do.
i dont understand how you could live in this world, this day and age and not be slightly manic.
we're always somewhere in the middle.
somehow in love and the know.
even with the weight of my ego.
the main(e) reason is because everything in my head is a lock and key
and they only fit together because of you.
mostly when i say you, i mean you.. but sometimes i mean her..
and you ask me like you dont already fucking know.
she's my best kept secret.
not even you could take that away from me.
i wont let you.
this is only a stopgap solution

i'll always be waiting in the back room

sometimes always really means never.

not everything is smoke and mirrors. except what if it is?

going over every last sentence, changing all the meanings to something more.
there is no compensation. either you're right or i'm proving you wrong but it can't be both.

i am just the foreman on the loading deck. and you're home early but i'm drinking coffee with my feet up.

head is clear but fits the mold.

"i've got that lefty curse where everything i do is flipped and awkwardly reversed."

i can't sleep my heads all messed up and weird inside. 11.11 i wish my head would just stop thinking long enough so i could sleep.

i miss smoke bombs and rolling down hills. hoping you will understand. usually you do but we've been a bit out of sync these days. these days all i can think about are those days. always find myself trading "the now" for "how it was" even though i should be trading wise for zs.

we are life preservers after the wreck. we are why it's "funny how things change".
the only thing we are in control of is our lack of control. we've got our anthem and we'd do anything to keep it and hips together.