something to make your knees shake, something to make your hips ache

my brains like a minefield and im currently looking for a safe way through it. what comes out, comes out. either explosive or victorious, but never both. every fork in the road has a third choice, but im the only one who has figured it out. something far too tragic to speak of. hush hush. eyelids can be tiny movie screens, previews for another hot and bothered night. falling asleep through a cloudy morning. not like a rainy day more like you can't tell our sleeping world from the next.

and when she said "It's okay." she meant "I'm gonna miss you and those big blue eyes of yours a whole lot. i dont know what im going to do with myself." all she wanted to say was goodbye. all she can do is hope to herself that once chance gives her back the ground beneath her feet, the lullaby in her head and the sunshine peaking through her windows in the a.m.

the stars are out tonight. it's ironic that they're shining just for us.

seeyoulater

The boy: in my mind i am more than willing to give him whatever his heart desires, but (my heart has its own agenda)

he lets darkness cover his face. speaks whats written on his heart, but never outloud. holds a secret so big he could burst. frowns at the person staring back at him in the bathroom. looks down to the people who look down at him. disappears into a world all his own. hides a smile in the corner of his mind. visits himself once in a while.s lams the door to his bedroom, his heart, his happiness. stands next to street signs in the rain. gets lost inside and out. watches for a sign, for anything. writes out what he would say. smiles at the stars. always (w/c)atches the clock. rubs his eyes. rewrites the future. faces the ground. mixes emotions with alcohol. breaks his heart. wishes he was famous, or religious. wants to sleep the year away. wants to wake up to a smile. wakes up with a headache. spends his nights thinking. searches for constellations. looks for words in the distance. doesn’t care much. nods the bottle and his head. wants to be just like someone. dreams “this is enough.” is for her.

(and they would never give him a chance in the world, or the time of day and they will never know. they'll never fucking get it. i want to scream but they won't listen. i want to fight but they won't show.)

and dances in the shadows.

come here. there is something i have to tell you

From distance to dysfunction we travel fast like bad news.

I cried wolf in the pasture. No-one came.
“This is the child,” they said, “who lied before,
who dreamt a wolf was scratching at her door,
and roused the town!” And so I took the blame.
I cried wolf in the night; they mocked my claim,
beat me and left me on the hard dirt floor
where I wept, cold and heartsick, bruised and sore,
knowing the beast they feared would come again.
My mind drifts out. A shadow on the moon,
a hunter in the night behind the storm,
I wait for the dark ending of the year.
See now, the window’s open, and the tune
the wind plays, raises hackles. I change form.
I am the wolf child. It is I they fear.

j.s

shortlikeyourtemper

back to my old ways. here to revisit the places that seem to fit in my hands so perfectly. And (I’m not sure but) I think I’ll be back again.

set the stage
drop to the ground.
surroundings fall away.
swallowed in darkness.
i no longer look for you around the corner but it the alleyways of my mind. i know i'm not the greatest believer or anything and i shouldn't be asking you this, but please, take care of me. i’ve fit all apologies, past experiences and bottles into an envelope to send to you. Judging by the sickening feeling buried deep within me, it is going to be a long time before that envelope is ever opened. i don't know if it will work, and some might call me a crazy bastard for doing it for a kid who may not even remember me, but it gives me hope, and that's all that matters. i breathe with my lungs, not my heart. it’s things like that, that get you down (in more ways than one) two year anniversary with bad habits. being an insensitive prick and handling situations in the worst way possible. see you next year. we are new hearts in old towns, but (some/no)thing else.

all i know about breaking hearts is from all the old western movies i watch. fuck im sorry. two hearts grown cold away from br(e)aking, one shining heart away from making it (or somewhere i’ve never been) whatever you see in me, I don’t. but i like to believe it. if endings are all that matter please tell me this wont turn out like all the others.

yesterday an envelope on the counter designed, mixed and set off an hmx inside of me. (in all good ways but one)

haveheart

I’m pneumonia in the ways I’m always trying to get you between the sheets.

jack and diane.

together in perfect dissymmetry

He is.

I'm happy. (Dedicated)
Heart slams into throat, speechless.
Feeling nothing but amazed by you and how ordinary you think you are.
I don’t care where we end up, but I never want to leave your side.
The only time he's really peaceful is when he sleeps and I honestly think all he needs is peace.

And I am.

Sick from the inside out. It hurts sometimes to breathe. Need to get these demons out of me and find the cure. In my mind I'm putting my hands down my throat and ripping out all my insides.



"There are some places the mind should not go; it gets steered there anyway."



prioritiesareouttawhack
gottagetmyshitingear